My Cheap BMW 850i Is Unfixable– But I Love it Anyway

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After many years of having nothing but contempt for p.m. double use this 1991 bmw 850 i recently purchase is finally starting to bring me back into loving the brand now this is despite that it’s still broken after spending a couple thousand fixing it and the mechanic said that it was unfixable still as you can see i’m starting to embrace the bmw lifestyle i have

Fancy shoes by dino a nice smart blazer and some designer sunglasses and i’m slowly starting to feel more important than any other driver on the road turn signals play i don’t need lesser humans to know which direction i’m turning additionally i checked out their bmw lifestyle catalogue and bought this briefcase from them which was designed for bmw ownership now

This one is made for older bmws and they do make briefcases for newer ones that come with a built-in fire extinguisher props i know carrot top eat your heart out now today i’m going to go over the things i really like about this car and the benefits of 850 i ownership as well as the things i don’t like and things that remain broken so let’s get in this silky smooth

V12 and fire up let’s get started oh can’t wait to get to work it pick out some new business cards yeah shush bmw briefcase to the rescue and while i’m out here another thing i really like about this old 8 series is the styling this iconic shark nose bootie is one of the most stunning coupes of all time with its sweeping lines and pillarless roofline it’s just

Perfect and now i’m gonna use my briefcase to get this perfect car running oh come on yes oh i forgot about the dog like i said what a smooth silky v12 engine this is and it was never meant to win drag races or reach high speeds but make this car feel as smooth and luxurious as possible the interior also plays up this super luxurious theme and i love the

Two-tone interior with this aircraft cockpit like setup and you can really tell the designers of me and bevy you really thought out this thing with little details like the rear seats with a huge upward angle to the bottom since most rear passengers are gonna be riding with their knees to their chest anyway and then they put this little coin holder in the driver’s

Side door which it’s just perfect for toll roads this thing was built to be the best gentleman’s highway cruiser in the world and the smoothness of the ride is another thing that really impresses me and something you would never see with modern bmws you all know i’m a big fan of giant old american land yachts and this is the closest i found to a german version

Of it as it’s just so relaxing and insulating from the outside elements and doesn’t have the harsh ride or the firm twitchy steering you would expect from modern bmws yes this bmw was built for comfort and if bmw made a car like this in 2017 it would get roasted by journalists for not doing well in the slalom course and it’s laughable handling of the nurburgring

You’ll never see a suspension like this from bmw ever again that’s tuned primarily for comfort this is the car that you can totally relax it and that brings me to the other main thing that i love about this 850 and that’s how it makes me feel i’m just so relaxed and content when i’m behind the wheel the old leather smell that luxury cars have lost in recent years is

Still strong in this car over 25 years later and i feel like i could point this thing west towards california and go the entire 1,200 miles without feeling tired it also has a 24 gallon fuel tank like a truck sized fuel tank so i imagine it would have pretty decent range – it’s too bad it’s about a coin flip on this thing actually making that distance and that’ll

Bring me to the obvious thing that people hate about these cars and that’s all of the problems i’ll i’ve spent like two thousand dollars to have all the things fixed the obvious things fixed like the noisy ac compressor and the loose steering and a few leaks and changing fluids and all that kind of stuff and now that the obvious things are fixed i’m starting to

Notice all the little problems this car has for example my seat one of the motors is bad and now i can’t lower it it enough to get my head out of the ceiling so i have to sort of gangsta pose it in this car until it’s fixed and there’s lots of other little electrical gremlins that i was not told about and i can tell somebody new because there’s a few random pulled

Relays in the glovebox and as you saw earlier my bmw lifestyle briefcase was used to address another emerging problem this bmw has a pretty decent battery draw which kills the battery if it sits for more than a week at a time i’m pretty sure the previous owner knew about this and didn’t tell me rather he gently directed me to use the battery tender he provided for

Me in the trunk he just threw it in for free and i noticed the security system on this car goes nuts with first cold starts whatever computer or module or whatever is on the fritz with this thing is draining the batteries and no matter how long i drive this car it isn’t enough to charge the backup though the batteries of the trunk that are only a year old maybe

Toast and yes i meant batteries plural which leads to another thing i hate about this bmw rather than create a whole new v12 and every electronic component with it bmw engineers decided to take two of their inline sixes and basically bond them together the crankshaft so there’s two of almost everything electronics wise to make this car work yeah there are two

Batteries in the trunk and there’s two ignition systems electronic throttle bodies engine computers and so much more finicky electrical drunk that sends this car into a limp home mode with every hiccup i finally got to experience this limp home mode for the first time after it’s at 4 weeks at a mechanic shop and the battery voltage was so low it was causing electrical

Issues and it sat for weeks because the mechanic who was working on it couldn’t figure out how to fix it he couldn’t fix it you know it was unfixable this car is unfixable nobody knows what to do i know i know it’s rough it’s huge oh here’s a good spot you like this much yes yes finding someone who wants to work on this car is another big problem v12 bmw owners

Will encounter for example my ac was working fine before i just had a noisy compressor and after the mechanic replaced the compressor dryer and expansion valve and recharged the system the ac refused to ever work again the compressor jumps on just fine when powers applied to it but refuses to turn on normally and they can’t figure out why and they couldn’t find

A diagram to chase the wires day so the mechanic just threw his hands up and moved on to other cars that would actually make him money now i’m not mad at the guy at all and really don’t blame him and i know this shop is very confident they were the ones who did the entire engine swap on my old mercedes s600 and did a flawless job but i bet the car wizard will be

Able to figure it out when i finally bring it up to him after he finishes the bentley and the lexus and about six other cars i formed out this job just because i had so many projects piled up on him already so when you take away the mechanical issues of the eight series and i know that’s saying a lot this bmw really is fantastic it being what it was designed to be

I’m not a big fan of the electronic throttle or the traction control and the automatic transmission does feel pretty dated but these are all things that i’m willing to put up with along with the mechanical issues really this is the first bmw i’ve owned that seems worth the headache it’s a fine art sculpture and a gentleman’s lounge and a smooth concord s commuter

But it’s also hey giant dumpster fire of a car and for those of you that know me you’ll know this car is a perfect match for me so beemer i think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship nor do p do yes

Transcribed from video
My Cheap BMW 850i Is Unfixable– But I Love it Anyway By Hoovies Garage